i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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