I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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