Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I just had sex on a roof
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Randomize
