six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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