After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
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