We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
