she kept yelling 'call me bella'
You're earring is so big in my mouth
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
