She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Randomize
