I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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