after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Randomize
