Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Randomize
