Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
