Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
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