Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
