i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
