im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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