she woke up with a sticky ear
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
