And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
