i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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