At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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