i jhust puked up my retainher.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
i need to put some appletini on your dick
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
