Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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