Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
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