He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
