I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
