Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
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