so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Randomize
