Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
