He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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