My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
