this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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