Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
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