He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
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He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
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They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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