Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize
