So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
