I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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