I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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