You smell like stripper and shame
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
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