Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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