Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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