News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
