Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
