1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Randomize
