wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
