I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
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