party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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