pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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