Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
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