I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
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