How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
