I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
