life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Randomize
