Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
