So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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