her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
