wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
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She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
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Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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