My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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