yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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