Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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