His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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