One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Randomize
