I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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