just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
she told me i tasted like america
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
