im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
