sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
