I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Randomize
