to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
