It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
