I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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