A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
it glows. i had to have it.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
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Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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