I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
