So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
