I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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