Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
