Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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