my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
