i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
this hospital has no fireball
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
