I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
