Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
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