Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Randomize
